Five.

Five.

I couldn’t decide what I wanted to write about today. I have a few ideas that I’m thinking about but they’re till stewing in my mind, and I’m not sure I have the brain power to sort through them today.

But I really didn’t want to miss a day of writing. Yesterday was day 4 of a streak, my longest since making it my goal to post every day (the previous being 3). I really didn’t want to break that. I’m on a roll. While scrolling through my post, trying to decide what to write, I realized something amazing. Yesterday wasn’t day 4. It was day 5!

5.

It’s such a beautiful round number. And the length of a work week, which is almost the length of an entire week. I’m pretty excited about this.

This post is a mini celebration, and encouragement to keep writing because that’s the only way to generate ideas.Some days will be hard, like today, and I won’t have much to say. But if I don’t keep at it, the well will go dry and it will all that much harder to get started again.

Now, I should go do some coding practice before bed.

 

Adjusting

I feel like a mess this week.

I was so proud of myself last week because I wrote and published three blog posts three days in a row. Yay meeting goals!

But then Thursday was an extra long day and I was too exhausted and busy.
It was okay, though. I knew stuff was going to come up. I knew it wouldn’t always go smoothly, especially in the beginning. And besides, I had a three day weekend coming up. I figured I could spend the whole weekend writing and coding. I did

I did not anticipate feeling crappy and tired all weekend. I ended up getting very little done. And that trend continued through the beginning of the week.

I’m trying not dwell on it, though. I could have gotten so much done. But I know I must have been tired for a reason. Maybe it’s good to have a lazy, do-nothing weekend once in a while.

What really bugs me about it is that I had ideas for what to write. I just hit a wall of exhaustion every time I tried. Yet, for each day I miss writing, I feel like I have fewer ideas. They seem to fade away and dim in my memory. Writing is the best way to generate ideas and have something to write about. I know it’s true, but somehow I always need to be reminded.

I know that the best thing I can do is make a conscious effort to write and publish a post today and do some coding practice. That’s why I wrote the rough draft for this on my lunch break and used my break to type it up on my phone (to make more time for coding).

It’s not all bad, though. I don’t want to focus on my lack of productivity. That doesn’t do me any good either. To think of that time as wasted is to devalue it. I don’t want to foster that kind of negativity. I still had a good weekend. I slept and relaxed. I got my hair cut and went on a date with my husband (which is not something we get to do often) to celebrate my recent promotion. I got to spend time with a friend on Sunday, and on Monday my mother-in-law came to visit. These are all things that add value to my life, even if they don’t relate directly to my immediate goals. I don’t want to negate that.

Photo by Ryan McGuire www.gratisography.com/

Working My Way Out

Working My Way Out

I’ve been working my way out of a writing slump.

Lately, it has been difficult for me to find the energy and motivation to write or practice lettering, which has left me feeling stressed and overwhelmed. It is especially difficult not writing. I always feel a little off when I haven’t been writing enough.

Besides feeling like everyday life is seeming to take a lot more energy than usual, I recently applied for a pretty big promotion at work. I just had my second interview this past week and am waiting to hear back. Between applying for the position, preparing for the interviews, and now the anxiety of waiting to hear the decision, this has been taking up most of my mental energy and focus for the last couple of weeks, along with a few other things that have had me stressed out.

In my head I know better. I know that more emotionally off I’m feeling, whether angry, sad, anxious, or stressed, the more I should be writing. But that’s often when it’s the hardest to write.

I haven’t neglected writing entirely, but finding it difficult to focus, have been writing much less. The less I write, the less easily the words come out. The way I’m feeling reminds me of a fountain pen left too long without being used. The way the ink refuses flow through the nib, I’ve been struggling to form words. Last weekend I plotted some of a story I’ve been working on for several months, but the words only trickled out. I did not feel the catharsis I feel after a great writing session.

I keep trying, though, and slowly it’s getting better. I know that’s way out.To keep writing. And this is what I’ve been trying to do. Just the way the ink in a fountain pen writes flows more freely and writes more smoothly the more you write with it, I know the words will come more easily and more freely the more I write.

I’m learning to accept that there will be times like this where I find it hard to write. And sometimes things come up, and life truly can interfere, but going through periods like this doesn’t mean I’m a bad writer or am doom to be unsuccessful. I have to be willing to actively work through these times, finding ways to motivate myself and get the words flowing, which I am learning to do. I may never be able to avoid these times completely, but I do think that learning to work through blocks is a skill that be improved with practice and perseverance. I keep trying, and I do think my periods of total non-writing are shorter and fewer than historically. And continuous improvement is the best I can ask for.

On Fear, Self-Doubt, and Making Changes

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photo credit: Frodrig via photopin cc

Fear

Sometimes at night, just after I’ve lain in bed and am about to fall asleep, a terror takes me over. I think about how I abruptly moved 3000 miles away to the other side of the country, away from everything and everyone I’ve ever known. I think about how I didn’t so much as post this decision of Facebook, only telling the people closest to me, the ones I saw on a regular basis. I forget that, while it was a quick and easy decision for us, this was something my boyfriend and I talked about and planned for months before we moved. I forget because nothing went as planned, and sometimes I wonder if we made a mistake.

I think about everything I had there that I don’t have here–a slightly better a job, a car, friends. I think about all the people I left behind. I think not only about how much I need them now, but how much they might need me. I know they’ll survive just fine without me, but I feel like I should be there for them. I wish I could be there for them, for the big moments in life. I wonder if I made a bad decision. Continue reading “On Fear, Self-Doubt, and Making Changes”

Crossroads

This past week, I found myself facing a dilemma.
Boston city corner

Nanowrimo is ending, and I haven’t finished my project. It’s okay because Nano did what I wanted it to, and it got me writing. More than that, it got me thinking even harder about my future as a writer.

A few months ago, after a lot of thinking and soul-searching, I decided I wanted to go back to graduate school to pursue a MA in Book Publishing. This was a critical decision for me as I originally moved here for a completely different graduate program. However, I decided that writing is too important to me to not be a focus in my life, and that I have spent too much of my life with writing on the back burner. I always wanted writing to be a part of my life, but I always pushed it aside while I focused on other things that I perceived as “more important” or “more practical.” Continue reading “Crossroads”